Goodbye Little Light...

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
But then it flies again
And though we wish it could have stayed...
We feel lucky to have seen it.

(Graphic Courtesy of Kristina Wyatt http://www.ebawareness.com/)

It is amazing how so few words can speak what is in one's heart.  This weekend I spent a great deal of time reflecting and trying to understand the waves of emotions I was experiencing. I was sad, confused, angry, you name it.  Despite knowing that it was coming, I was really unprepared for how this would affect me.  I just never realized how it would hit me when Tripp would have to go.  I have to admit, I feel a bit selfish.  Even though I know he is at peace, a peace I prayed for, I cannot help but wish he could have stayed.  I know that I will always feel his presence, for he has touched my heart in countless ways.  However, that really does not make goodbye any easier.

I wish I could have told him the many ways he made my life better, how his light came into my life and lit the path for me.  I wish I would have been able to share with him the ways that his courage and strength inspired me and so many others; to share with him all of the ways that he has changed this world, how amazing he and his impact truly were. I kept thinking of the last time I got to say goodbye and how I promised him that I would never give up.  I pray so hard that he heard me, that he understood and that he knew I would keep that promise.  I remember kissing his forehead knowing deep down inside it would probably be the last time.

Still I was not prepared for this...how can you be? I know however that eventually, time will heal and people will continue on with their lives, candle vigils will cease and posts will start to dwindle.  Things will go back to "normal" for the rest of the world and yet Courtney's world will remain upside down as she tries to navigate life without Tripp.  I cannot begin to imagine what that must feel like and it makes my heart hurt for her in so many ways. So often we focus on the dying and forget about the living.  Tripp's suffering has ended and he is finally has much deserved peace, Courtney's pain is just begininng and she needs our support as much now as she did before.  She has been so generous in allowing us to be a part of Tripp's journey, I hope that we can continue to be generous in our prayers and support helping her as she finds her way to a new normal.  This period of transition will not be easy no matter how strong she is...she has dedicated her entire life to Tripp.  She devoted every moment to his care and now that is gone and she is left feeling lost not knowing what to do.  Tripp is safe now; it is his mommy who needs us. So please pray for her as you have prayed for Tripp.  Help her to see Tripp's spirit each day so that her path can be lit with his light.

Tripp, once again, I thank you for shining your light for all of us and for making the world a better place.  Courtney I am blessed with your friendship and I love you dearly.  Thank you for courageously sharing Tripp with all of us and allowing us to love him and be graced with his spirit.

Donations may be made in Tripp's name to debra.org, or puckfund.org